There are those moments in your life where things take on a surreal haze, and you literally have to check in with yourself to see if you are living someone else’s life or if this is really yours…Today presented two of those moments.

First and foremost, it is my daughter, Katrina’s 11th birthday.  This morning I was brought back in the hour of her birth to that unforgettable moment when I met this perfect little angel of a girl that I knew in vitro and who was then presented to me after many many moments of dreaming about meeting her.  “It’s a girl!” still rings in my ears when I go back there and I can’t help but shed the same tears of joy that I did then, amazed and completely in awe of the remarkable process of creation that I was a part of.  I am still in awe and completely amazed.  Completely in love, completely grateful for her presence in my life.  It was surreal today, acknowledging that she was now in the second decade of her life, officially no longer a baby really, and letting it sink in that yes, indeed, I could be the mother of an 11 year old – because in fact, I am.

Secondly, I received an unexpected call from my publishing house today letting me know that my book was now available to purchase and was “live,” online and ready to roll.  After many hours of conceiving, nurturing in vitro, and pushing…I was again a part of a birth.  The birth of my very first book.  No one was there on the other end this time, physically calling out, “It’s a book!” but they very well could have been.  Tears of joy are just now hitting my face, as the surreal quality of this moment, this day has created somewhat of a delayed response.   It is sinking in that yes, indeed, I could be the author of a book – because in fact, I am.

Thank you, thank you, thank you God – your amazing grace humbles me…

Every time I turn the corner, I’m reminded how much I don’t know.  I just read a report about book marketing and it made me feel like crying, truthfully.  How could it be that after all the sweat and tears of writing the book, that I could be facing the daunting task of marketing the book as a neophyte, as green and as new to it as if I just had started writing yesterday?  It blows my mind, actually…Clearly it is time to roll up my sleeves and get very busy learning!

To those of you that are returning to this blog and have joined me before, thank you.  Apparently you are my saving grace which I had always instinctively known, but just didn’t fully appreciate as fully until this very moment.  In reality, I could have been blogging all throughout my experiences with Inspire, the business creation, the business failure, the business restructure, the bankruptcy…I think I was so busy surviving that it never crossed my mind actually.   Well, as of today, expect a lot more – and hold me accountable and capable to it!  I am going to make a pointed effort to create a blog journey here that is about my learning curve marketing this book, I can tell you that.  As well as engage you (if you choose to respond to the mission of posting a response, thank you very much) in a discussion about the rebounding experience and what that means for us collectively. 

I have done a couple radio interview recently (I will post links to them forthright!) and each time I talk about this book, I get more excited.  I love hearing what others have to say about this topic because it is so relatable.  And there are so many aspects of rebounding from setbacks in our lives, no matter how big or small, that we have in common…

The emotional rollercoaster ride of it all…the inevitable coming back to feelings and thoughts around “why didn’t I just…?” – I just can’t get over myself how hard it can be to shake that tendency!  I can teach other people about how to grapple with it and how to gain new perspective on it, putting it in some new cognitive framework, and yet it is so hard for me some days!  Staying diligent about taking care of myself is part of the key, I know.  As soon as I stop exercising, start eating stuff I shouldn’t be, or stop getting the rest I need, the negativity has a tendency to creep in more often and with stronger reminders of self-doubt, “should’ve, would-ve” thinking.  Persistently, every time I stray I come back, rebounding over and over again actually, so that in the grand scheme of things I am making small, steady step of progress each and every day, although difficult at times to see the forest for the trees.

My call to action for you today is to stage your own mini-rebound inside your bigger picture.  Have you been observing yourself, learning new things about how you are responding to stresses?  Have you been remaining open and staying diligent with your self-care?  Have you gotten “off track” and need a moment to regain your centering point?  Take the time and create the space for continual learning, continual rebounding, and take some centering action TODAY.  Now is all you have, really, so take the leap and get going!  Know that I am joining you – today actually allowing myself the realization of all that I don’t know, learning and learning so more, recentering myself by doing a cleanse/detox day today in my Isagenix system, and creating a cleaner, fresher slate to rebound on tomorrow. 

There are days (and then there are more days!) that I just want to scream in frustration that nothing seems to happen as fast as I’d like it to…and then there are the other days that suddenly provide you portals into that space of deliverance, completion, fruition.  And when it happens it is magical…

You may have noticed that there has been a little gap in these posts – almost an eerily silent front.  The silence may be online but behind the scenes there is this effort going on to launch and release this first book – and because I am learning everything for the first time – publishing, marketing, etc. – it takes much longer than I anticipate, occupying most of my mental energy and much of my emotional energy as well!  Rebounding is a book that occurred so naturally out of my experiences that the actual process of getting it to market was definitely a secondary concern, if you would even call it a concern at all.  The reason I wrote it remains the reason that I’m hanging in there and doing what seemingly comes less than naturally for me (executing to completion)…I know in my heart that there is someone out there somewhere that needs to hear what I have to say in the way that I have to say it.  So that maybe they don’t feel so alone in their process – so that maybe they can have just a few moments the type of peace that only comes through empathizing with a fellow traveler on this road called life.

Do take heart that you can find the resources you need to cultivate the feeling of positive expectation, of momentum…if you continue to persevere and persist in your journey.  Whatever life transitions you may be facing, know that not only are you not alone – you too are just getting started!  I find strength and encouragement in reminding myself that I’m inexperienced in the art of publishing, internet marketing, etc. and therefore can allow myself the space to be unsure and to learn it from the beginning.  And after all, aren’t we all new to this moment, right now, whatever is right in front of us?  Don’t be afraid to say that you are just getting started!  There is power and excitement and movement (growth!) available in that very statement – so join me and stand up proud and declare it!

And in the meantime, check out the e-book version of Rebounding that I just released….  : )

Oh my goodness, I was setting up an appointment yesterday and I realized that February is right around the corner – wow!  And how did January get so fast anyways??  For me, the adage “Time flies when you’re having fun” applies right now- I think January is flying by in part because I’m not watching the clock – I’m having fun in the moment!

The fun part and the hard part are actually one and the same right now – I get the distinct honor and privilege of starting my coaching business over again – which is both overwhelmingly exciting and overwhelmingly overwhelming at times!  If I didn’t have Isagenix as my superfood, fueling my enthusiasm and passion, I know that the energy I need, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually just wouldn’t be there.  I was flying high the other day, caught up in the moment, excited by the nearing completion of the book publishing process and all that is to come with Isagenix and my coaching business and realized that I had exactly $87 in my checking account!  How easy it would be to stay stuck, to stay focused on what is missing, but instead I feel a sense of deep gratitude for exactly where I am right now.  This ability to focus on where I am and where I’m going instead of the past, didn’t happen by accident…this ability is something I have been working on cultivating, it has been a deliberate action….one that only became possible by allowing myself to first and foremost…breathe!

What, you may say, does breathing have to do with gratitude?  Or you may be thinking that my gratitude isn’t gratitude at all but some form of delusional ability to ignore the reality of my life – instead focusing on some intangible dream.  Breathing into myself, into my purpose, into my life on the deepest levels has allowed me to take the steps and do the hard work.  Filing bankruptcy and admitting temporary defeat financially was far from a place of denial – the physical action of turning in your vehicles, selling off your real estate assets one by one, laying off your employees, going through your house to find things you can sell on Craigslist to get enough money together to restart your business – these are not things that can be done from a place of denial and delusion.  Those are all things that come from facing the hard facts and seeing the reality of your life.  But allowing yourself to acknowledge who you are at the core and what you want from your life, slowing down long enough to breath into those basic questions, is what creates the fertile soil that you grow your life deliberately from, from there.

My call to action for you today is the breathe into those basic questions for yourself:  what do you really need in your life to be your best self?  What do you really want your life to be about?  If we don’t take the time to slow down and do this, time may still fly by but not because you’re having fun – but because you are living your life unconsciously, going through the motions of what you think your life needs to be about.  That, I would say, is the form of denial that we really need to be on guard against:  denying that we have the ability to be grateful no matter what, denying that we have the ability to be deliberate about the life we are creating.

One of my most powerful realizations happened when I was 8 years old…I wrote in my journal (in fact I still have it in some box somewhere) that it was clear to me that I was here for a reason.  And that reason was not about me at all.

Suffice it to say, that the journey since then has had significantly less clear moments – but mostly moments that forced me to pause and say, “so what is THIS all about anyways?”  And time and time again I arrive at the same conclusion.  We’re all here to help one another and our unique stories, our particular version of the lesson, is THE one that we are meant to express.  Isn’t it interesting that many times when someone loses a loved one to a disease or illness that they are then inspired to form a charity or non-profit and spend their lives educating other about that situation or illness?  Our greatest gifts to give not only come from the heart but they are borne out of our greatest struggles.

I used to think that my first book would be about success. Would be about making it in a tough world and prevailing.  I had, after all, been working on my own rags to riches story when I persevered after my divorce.  I experienced dark, low points, been on welfare as a newly single mother, I experienced risk, and I felt that I had arrived on some level when I started my first company, Inspire, less than 5 years later.  Who would have known at that time that instead my first book would be about the continuation of that rollercoaster ride and that I would hit a new bottom of the hill with the loss of that business and my subsequent bankruptcy?  I guess looking at it, the book is still about success and making it in a tough world and prevailing.  Just not the version I could ever have imagined.

The thing that is interesting to me though is not just the unexpected twists and turns in the path, but how something like this upcoming book, Rebounding, would get borne out of it.  I don’t ever watch the news much, I’ve much too strong a filter for negative media, but there was a day that it dawned on me that with all the economic struggles our country is experiencing, that there are many many other people that are probably similarly scrawling in their journals, expressing their disappointment, hurt, and confusion about how to move forward and piece their lives back together again.  Is it possible, I asked myself, that someone else might benefit from hearing my story of struggle?  In hearing my voice simply explore what I was learning?

I ask you today to look into your life and observe it from the hillside for a moment…what is unique about your journey that connects you to others?  What is it about your life that others might benefit from knowing about?  How much could you help someone else by sharing your struggles with them, and relating to their humanness simply by sharing your own?  None of us is perfect but we are perfectly imperfect and that is something we all have in common.  I challenge you to look for ways to connect with others with the most vulnerable sides of your own nature and experiences.  What arises may just surprise you as I have been surprised.

Yes, you’ve heard it many times, but its true:  action breeds action!  I’m reminded of that this morning, because I have had a 2010 full of action so far but last night felt more like a crash and burn victim.  All of the sudden yesterday evening, I was crushed under the weight of all kinds of negative emotion, overwhelm, feelings that really weren’t going to contribute to anything good I can tell you that.  I wanted to eat comfort food, stomp my feet and yell, “wahhhh!”  Now, where did all THAT come from??

Well, what reminded of me of how much easier it is once you are in action mode to stay in action mode, is that this morning when I woke up, I had no resistance, none of those negative feelings carried over, and I was able to jump out of bed and get exercising.  Inertia might have been my response to an emotional speed bump like that one last night had I been in a different space.  If I felt this morning as if I had to start up from a dead stop, trust me, there would have been no 6:30 a.m. exercising going on at my house!  But coming from action mode, it was no problem to regroup and restart myself.  I was really proud of myself but to tell you the truth: it was easy.  Now the flip side of that is:  an object at rest tends to stay at rest.  So, my call to action to you this morning, all you fellow rebounders…ask yourself which you are:  at rest or in motion?  Which do you want to be?  If you are at rest and want to be in motion, creating positive stuff in your life and kicking it into high gear, then stick with me this year and we’ll do it together!  I have no intention of letting go of the tremendous momentum I feel coming into this year.  It’s too good!

Okay, so I leaped into 2010 very excited and maybe just a little overwhelmed?  Lots to do and just seemed in moments, like too little time to do it in.  And doesn’t it all seem like it needs to be done NOW?  And even though logically you know it can’t be, sometimes I have a tendency to want to push the fast forward button so that I can feel the results now rather than be in process….hmmm, so I’m the only one, huh?  That’s okay – as Freud says, “We’re only as sick as our secrets” so that’s not a secret now, so I can breathe – whew….

The very purpose for this blog leading up to the release of my book, Rebounding, was to create an opportunity to share ME with YOU and own the space that I was in, with all its messy imperfections.  We can have a tendency to think that people that write books and articles, that coach other people or speak, feel like they have it all figured out.  HA!  Actually, I’ve discovered it is quite the opposite, those are the people that know that there is SO MUCH they don’t know, and we’re all basically in the same boat, so maybe, just maybe if they share their experiences, someone somewhere will be just a little better off.  They also are the ones that decide that baring their souls somehow offers them solace for being imperfect.  After all, if the world knows that I’m imperfect, flawed, bankrupt, and floundering, then there is no longer fear attached to “what they think”, right?  That is what I am finding in the midst of this all – the perfect right and freedom to be raw and myself with all my stuff front and center.  Rather than making me feel more vulnerable, it is making me stronger, more confident, and much less likely to get caught in those moments of wanting to fast forward through all the painful process of it all.

I’m actually finding that it is the PROCESS that is most important.  Yes, even more important than the results.  The results can be nice too but FREEDOM is found by making today the day that success in being you is found.  I never knew such freedom actually existed, to tell you the truth.  It is giving me the freedom to try to do things differently and stop procrastinating on the hard stuff – after all, what exactly do I have to lose?  If I’m no longer hinging my happiness on some idea of future outcomes, than I am perfectly allowed to BE RIGHT WHERE I AM.  YIPPEE!!!!

My call to action to you today, on this first post of 2010, is to think about how you would, could, rebound confidently into this new year, the new decade if you unhinged your idea of happiness from a future event, condition, circumstance – detached yourself from “what they think” and boldly declared this your year, maybe even your DECADE, of “No Excuses”?  I’ve declared it my year of NO EXCUSE living and I intend to lap up each precious moment and take flying leaps of faith in my powers of resiliency, capability, and problem-solving.  Hello, 2010!

Of course as the New Year approaches, it is natural to pause and give thought to what lies ahead.  My normal inclination would be to make a list of resolutions, but I can tell this year, something has shifted.  Maybe it is the fact that by taking charge of our finances, we have already begun the work of setting the stage for 2010.  We were in bankruptcy court last Friday and it struck me that everyone in that room was about to go into the New Year a little bit wiser, a little bit sadder, a little bit more somber than in some other years.  Facing the truth can be sobering, to say the very least.

But my experience of the past week has been less than sad.  Actually a more grounded sense of happiness.  I’ve taken each day at its value and have been able to shift into a realization that this is the day that I need to be fully responsible for, every day.  And that has brought me joy.  Of course there are goals and promises that I have made to myself that are future-focused, but the main one is to remain in this place – to stay activated, positive, and grounded in the present day.  Rebounding for me has been about letting go of past hurts, mistakes, and regrets and making the choice to allow myself to my best today.  I have every confidence that the future will get built one day at a time that way; and with my best foot forward, who can say what will come?

I have been working with a remarkable coach named Brigitte and she had a phrase she shared the other day that really struck a chord with me, stating that we must “failing our way to success.”  There is intense freedom available to us in that phrase, because we can remove the need to be perfect, to have perfect outcomes, and instead we can engage ourselves in the process of success – which really hinges on our ability to bring our best to the moment right in front of us.  So maybe instead of making a laundry list of New Year’s Resolutions, maybe this year we could focus on simply resolving to make the best choices we can, moment by moment.  Staying engaged, being conscious that there are choices, remaining grounded in our responsibility to ourselves to be our biggest, best, and brightest selves all year long.  Maybe if we could focus on that instead of a list, the light that we shine will outlast the mid-January fizzle and we’ll find success in each day on its own terms.

I’ll tell you one of the best parts of being involved with Isagenix is the amazing personal development opportunity.  David Wood, a master trainer for Isagenix, made me see that the story that I tell myself around my life is what largely determines my thoughts and my actions.  Acting out of fear, anxiety, or lack is normal if your reality is perceived to one that is fearful, anxious, and full of scarcity thinking.  But if you change your story….ahh, well that just becomes another thing entirely.

I realized today that I was telling myself a story about waiting.  My story was that I had to wait to have my business where I wanted it and my financial picture stabilized to be my best.  I realized that I was creating a lot of “should’s” and “well, when I…” thoughts that were really holding me back from embracing this very moment right in front of me.  As a result, I wasn’t taking some needed action in accordance with my core values.  Entitling myself to being my best RIGHT NOW is my new story.

My new story allowed me the space to make some remarkable progress this week.  I was able to reconnect with several people that I had been holding back with, to get back into my ideal exercise routine, break way from a stress eating cycle I had been in, to spend time organizing my office and creating my ideal work space, to have a remarkably fulfilling day with my children and husband just hanging out, to follow through on several committments that I had gotten lazy about….in other words, it energized me in an incredible way and allowed me to push past the old cycle of GUILT>>>PROCRASTINATION>>>AVOIDANCE>>>GUILT to create something altogether different. 

Is it possible that instead the REALITY is that business isn’t where I want it to be and my income not stabilized BECAUSE of the STORY I was telling myself about it?  Yes, not just possible but entirely probable.  The story comes first…

So, what is the story you are telling yourself about waiting for your best life?  My guess is that if you identify the story, you’ll identify the key to changing it too! 

My old self was inactive, frustrated that she wasn’t writing regularly, overweight, and less than kind to herself.  I continue to run into that self now and again, plunging back into old patterns that no longer serve me.  The difference is now, when I do run into her, I can see her and I can remind her that she’s changed.  I can even show her before and after pictures!  I can take her to my manuscript, my blog, my journals and say, “See, if you’re so frustrated about not writing, what is all this then??”  Proof positive that I can let go of those old patterns and entitle myself to feel good about my progress.  Despite my recent losses…I need to feel good about my gains.

I had a few of those moments over the last couple months, I must admit.  The decision to file bankruptcy was not an easy one for me and it propelled me back to tons of old emotional baggage that I really hadn’t dealt with in awhile.  Yesterday, I chose to turn in my leased Mercedes and give it back to the dealership.  Yes, it took me about a month to work up to that one.  I mean, really, who wants to give up their 2008 Mercedes and trade it in for a less-than-new ride?  But that was just the surface and I really was more attached to my progress and momentum than I was the car, so that made it infinitely easier, almost exciting, when it all came down.  I was so determined to complete the project that I even hopped in my “new” car afterwards and drove immediately to the DMV, so focused was I on washing what wasn’t real and sustainable out of my life and allowing something new and truer in. 

Little did I know that that would be the one day that the DMV would be closed for training…leading me on a path to visit another office in a not-as-desirable part of town, a part of town that I had frequented eight years ago when I was a newly single mom, receiving public assistance and Food Stamps.  For a half a second, it was depressing going back – had I really just spent eight years in vain?  Rising above my lack to succeed, establishing over a $1.5 million dollar real estate portfolio, creating my own company, finding my leadership voice…only to come right back??  Only to lose it all??  My baggage spoke heavily for a moment, pulling me down with the weight of it – depressing my spirit and momentarily creating the illusion that I hadn’t gotten anywhere at all after all that WORK.  “Wow,” the baggage said. “What a loser!”  (I’m not saying that taking assistance when you need it makes you a loser, but in that moment I felt like a loser because I had worked so hard to rise above and it felt in vain.)

Whew, well thank goodness, that only lasted about a minute because my new self, the one that absolutely knows without a shadow of a doubt that in my losses I have gained incredible lessons…and that in my ability to share my stories, I will be able to help many many other people…that new self piped up quickly.  “Give it a rest, already – that’s simply not true! Enjoy this moment because it is a moment of liberation, of freedom, from all the old patterns and ways of trapping yourself that you carried before!”  And that is so true!  In the last ten years alone, I have experienced:

The death of a marriage

The birth of a child

The death of three grandparents

The birth of another child

The birth of a career

The death of a career

The birth of a business

The death of a business

The birth of an abundant bank account

The death of an abundant bank account

The gaining of 50+ pounds

The losing of 50+ pounds

The birth of a new business

The birth of a kick-ass credit score

The death of my kick-ass credit score

The birth of a book

The birth of a new marriage

AND last, but not least,

Seven physical moves and changes of address!!

I have to say up til this very moment, I have never done that inventory and I’m sure at least a few of those things….say, um, death, divorce, moving, business loss, and bankruptcy…file in somewhere near the top of “Life’s Greatest Stresses” list.  Yes, its time to give myself some credit and kick that old self and those lousy patterns to the curb!!  If nothing else, I preserved my sanity (well, that could be called into question, I suppose…) and lived to tell about it!!

The call to action for you, my readers today, is to grant yourself some grace and ACKNOWLEDGE what you have accomplished and see your old self for what it is….old and tired.  Let go and let’s flow!